Out of all of this came a decision about next semester that I was already leaning toward: I’m not taking any composition classes other than private lessons next semester. Not only do I feel like the composition courses here are horribly dry, but I actually feel like they’re sucking the life out of my compositions. When we were talking last night, N pointed out that it’s what you do outside of composition that feeds back into it as inspiration. I realized he’s absolutely right. When I was in the digital arts department, I was constantly surrounded by creative people doing all sorts of really interesting, non-computer music stuff. Video art. Installations. Improvisation. I was also in liberal arts classes, and those fed into it, too. Very little of what I did was actually studying computer music. While this has left me with huge gaps in my knowledge, I feel like a much more well-rounded and creative person - a perfectly viable trade-off, in my mind. I’m suffering by immersing myself in all this dry theory of computer music. I need to have the knowledge, I don’t deny that, but I can’t let it stifle my creativity. I feel a lot more motivated now that I have a direction, and I really think that if I can just survive the end of this semester, I’ll be able to make it. The number one piece of advice that N gave me was to find a project I care about and throw myself into it. That’s what he did when he was in this first semester slump in grad school, and it made all the difference. My husband and I actually have a collaboration we’ve been starting the research for, and it’s looking really exciting. I think we have a really good, solid concept, and it’s something we’re both really into. I’ll have to devote an entry to that project sometime soon.
I’m going to use this newfound hope and motivation to go register for next semester’s courses and get some work done. It’s so nice to make a post that isn’t overwhelmingly negative!
